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Post Poland and Colombia Announce Full Political Union
Created by John Eipper on 04/01/11 4:56 AM

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Poland and Colombia Announce Full Political Union (John Eipper, USA, 04/01/11 4:56 am)

Poland and Colombia will become one nation on 1 April 2012, confirming weeks of speculation among diplomatic insiders.  The announcement was made this morning at a joint press conference held at the historic port city of Kartagena de Indias, in the southwest (Caribbean) province of Polombia.

"We will fully integrate our two nations politically, economically and culturally," according to Jhon Jairo Restrepo-Wedlowski, Press Attache of the Polombian Confederation Commission (PCC).  "This is not a trade agreement or currency union along the lines of the EU, nor are we talking about an 'axis'--experience has proven the former to be unworkable, and the latter unpalatable."

"In creating Polombia, we are building on the natural synergies of the two constituent states," said Edwiga Wegelska de Gaviria, Polish (Northeast Polombian) head representative on the PCC.  "Colombia has a proven track record in entrepreneurship, plastic surgery and tropical tourism, while also excelling in the production and export of first-rate soap operas."

In turn, "Poland brings to the table its wealth in history, culture and science, as well as a great deal of very flat land, which is in short supply in Colombia," added Restrepo-Wedlowski.

Over the next year, Polombia will unite its governments and economies, adopting the Colombian Peso as its unit of currency.  "Both the Zloty and the Peso are robust currencies that have far outperformed the US dollar in recent years, but we decided on the Colombian peso because it comes in denominations of 1000, which will make everyone feel richer," said Polombia's newly appointed Minister of Finance, Ewa Buitrago de Zwszk.

After much debate, Portuguese will be adopted as the official language of the Polombian Union, as it combines the Latin origins of Castilian and the nasal vowels of Polish.  In addition, it was determined that Portuguese was a "good fit" because it begins with the letters "P" and "O."

The Polombian national flag will be a simple banner of yellow, blue, red, white and red stripes.

No decision has yet been taken on an official religion for Polombia, although in a controversial proposal, ecclesiastical representatives on the PCC have advocated for Roman Catholicism.

The PCC Ad-Hoc Committee on Historiography is busy carrying out its charge of constructing the Polombian pantheon on the theoretical basis of Benedict Anderson's landmark study, Imagined Communities.  Dambrowski, Kosciuszko, Santander, Salavarrieta and Bolivar will now be viewed as precursors to Polombian nationalism.  "In essence, Polombia is the fulfillment of Bolivar's dream of a Gran Colombia--correction, a Gran Kolombia--as the establishment of one Great Republic stretching from the Baltic to the Caribbean," pointed out Wiktor Lopez of the PCCAHCH.

As with any political union of this magnitude, some teething problems are anticipated.  PCC Talks nearly broke down over the fate of the letter "W," which Colombians dislike but Poles cannot live without.  This sticking point was referred to a SpAIS-directed subcommittee for further discussion.  Regarding orthographical issues, the first clause in the Polombian Penal Code stipulates stiff penalties for anyone who spells "Polombia" with a "U" in the middle.

JE comments:  A warm WAIS welcome to Polombia, the newest member of the community of nations!  Might political unions of non-contiguous states become the new norm?  Some possibilities:  Uruturkey, Chile con Cambodia, and even a political union of Japan and the UK, which might be called the "Commonwealth of Insular Left-Driving States."

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  • How about New Mainhampshire? (Charles Ridley, USA 04/01/11 1:38 PM)

    With the welcome news of the union of Poland and Colombia (see JE's post of 1 April), I am inspired to push forward with my efforts to secure the union of Maine and Hampshire into the new state of New Mainhampshire.

    JE comments:  Oh, but Charles:  geographical contiguity is so old-fashioned!  (It's the Polombian in me talking now.)  I propose that Maine unite with Florida, California and Alaska to form the new US state of the Cardinal Points.  The Incas had a similar idea when they named their empire Tahuantinsuyu--the Four Regions of the World.

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  • What Happened to the Republic of Amnesia? (Randy Black, USA 04/02/11 4:50 AM)

    Regarding John Eipper's post of 1 April about the unification of Poland and Colombia into Polombia and Charles Ridley's proposal for a union of Maine and New Hampshire, I've long been a citizen of the Sovereign Republic of Amnesia.

    About two passports ago, I became a naturalized citizen of Amnesia complete with a stamp in my US passport. What with the brisk pace at passport control in most of the world's airports, the truth be known, only two customs officers have even noticed the stamp in nearly 200 border crossings.

    Once when I landed at London's Heathrow, the customs officer took note of the stamp and asked, "Sovereign Republic of Amnesia? Where's that, laddie?" I put my hand to my forehead as if looking in the distance and replied, "I forget."

    He looked puzzled, looked at the line of people behind me and waved me on.

    On another occasion, the customs officer at Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic asked, "Sovereign Republic of Amnesia... Senor, donde está Amnesia?"

    "It's one of those tiny islands in the South Pacific," I said, stifling my laugh. "It's near Polynesia, Malaysia--Amnesia is in that part of the world."

    He showed my passport to the other officer, who muttered something along the lines of "tonto." I looked it up later. I might be wrong but I think he called me a fool. All things considered, it was not surprising nor off the mark.

    JE comments:  Randy sent a picture of his Amnesian entry stamp (impressive!), but I don't think I can get it to "send" using dial-up technology.  I'll try to post the image once I'm back in High-Speed Internetland--unless, of course, I forget...

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